It feels horrible when we are turned down by someone be it a loved one, job, family or by society. But the truth is that everybody in life faces rejection, it is inevitable. We all experience it, and yet, at that time, we feel like we are alone, like an outcast or unwanted being. By this attitude, we are just harming ourselves. In order to succeed in life, it is necessary to learn how to deal with rejection.
What is rejection?
According to the definition of dictionary, the act of refusing to accept someone is rejection when a person is not given the love or attention he wants or expects. Relating this with mental health, rejection refers to the feelings of shame, sadness, or grief people experience when they are not accepted by others.
Rejection is of many types like peer rejection, romantic rejection, familial estrangement, social rejection.
Why do we feel so bleak when we are rejected?
The experience of rejection can lead to a number of adverse psychological consequences such as loneliness, low self-esteem, anxiety, aggression, and depression. It can also lead to feelings of insecurity and a heightened sensitivity to future rejection.
We feel so horrible after rejection because our brain can relive and re-experience social pain more strongly than physical pain.
And we do replay that event of rejection is our mind again and again. Not just that we feel ashamed of ourselves and start criticizing our own self and mourning about the way we are which is very unhealthy for our mind, body and soul.
Have we ever thought that there could be another way to deal with rejection rather than just sulking about it?
Handling rejection in a healthy way-
- Feel the pain but do not become a victim-
When everybody faces rejection in their life, then why act like a victim? We often think that what happened with us is worse which is not true at all. If we look around, we will see that everyone goes through this pain so its universal. Though that does not mean you deflect the pain, just feel it, learn what the experience taught you and let it go. Because it is important to feel the pain of rejection to learn lessons of life.
- Do not criticize yourself-
Self- criticism shatters our self-esteem. We start to think we not worthy enough or there is something wrong with us that was why we were rejected. But why don’t we think like we were not ready yet, maybe we should prepare better and then try again or maybe if someone left, they were not meant for us.
- Reconnect with people-
As a human being, we all have this “need of belonging” amongst people and rejection damages our that need. We feel so alone even in our group that we disconnect with people and become isolated. So, it is necessary to avoid such kind of attitude. In fact, it will better if you go out with people since being with people who value us, has been found to soothe the emotional pain of rejection.
- Focus on what you still have in your life.
There are so many things, so many people that makes us happy when everything else fails. Therefore, work on your hobbies, spend some more time with your pet or go out with friends. This all will boost your self esteem and will help you to overcome rejection.
- Be constructive.
Rather than stressing over what happened, think rationally about what did you learn from this experience. While rejection has so many negative effects on our life, there is a good thing it brings out and that is the realisation of where the situation went wrong. Reflect your actions and figure out that.
For example, if you were rejected at work-place, think about what your attitude was when you were talking to seniors or if your colleagues were understanding what you were trying to say. That will not only bring peace to our mind but also being aware of such details can help you to enhance your professional life.
- Never quit because you were rejected.
Let me give you an example from my personal life, when I was constantly rejected for a project, I gave up. My senior asked me why I stopped applying for internships so I told him I have quit and he was surprised. He scolded me and said I was rejected because the company felt I should learn a bit more and then apply not because I don’t have potential. Hearing this I honed my skills and tried again. Bingo! I was selected from internship in a great company.
So, no matter what, keep going.