The second wave of COVID-19 led to insurmountable pain and sadness – amidst the horrific time, thousands of people lost their loved ones, their only family – they lost the most significant parts of their lives. Each day we live through is unpredictable, it’s difficult to decipher the time we have with someone because of the uncertainty that life brings us. Experiencing a loss leads to profound sadness which feels endless, you feel stuck in a deep well of grief which one believes will never end, which is why sometimes it can lead us to be afraid of grieving our losses. We are afraid of grieving our losses because it means we have to accept that our loved one has gone – they won’t walk through the door anymore, our phones won’t ring on the others side of the screen where we will eventually get to hear the sound of their voice again – when we grieve, we grieve their absence, which is terrifying.
But without grieving, can we move through a loss so painful?
The truth is, even when we reach the point of acceptance in our grieving process, we may still be struck with a wave of anger and sadness – we will miss them, we will hope for them to come back to us – however, the only difference will be that our grief eventually translates into reminiscing the time you shared together, the love you shared together and it relieves the part of our hearts which belongs to them.
We learn to coexist with both joy and sorrow – instead of staying in just sorrow – we learn to live with the ones we lost and we allow ourselves to experience joy – something which we believed we could not experience after a loss so painful.
There are mixed emotions coexisting when we experience a loss – those of regret, denial, guilt, tears, depression etc. Our regret comes from when we burden ourselves with what we could say to them or what we could do differently – questions such as ‘why didn’t I say ‘I love you’ one more time?’ ‘Why didn’t I choose better options?’ ‘Why didn’t I listen to them when they asked me to do something?’ But the truth is, we forget amidst our regrets and guilt of the most significant factor, they knew we loved them and with the circumstances, we did the best that we could – if we knew there were better options, we would do anything to bring them to life but we worked with what we had and we need to learn to forgive ourselves, we can still tell them we love them – they will always know.
With grief comes depression and tears – the underlying expression of the endless pain which we are carrying around with us following a loss. We question our depression and tears by giving importance to inner strength believing none of the two come under the category – but if we don’t allow ourselves the sadness to sit with us, if we don’t allow ourselves to outwardly express the pain that exists inside, then how will we ever heal from the loss? The depression that comes with grief is a normal state of sadness which needs to be felt and experienced, it does not need to be fixed. It helps one acknowledge the loss, to rebuild themselves and create space for growth.
To experience the sadness that comes with loss is an important part of moving through the grief in pieces and stepping into a way of being without your loved one, but still holding them close to you.
If you lost a loved one, let yourself grieve. You don’t have to hold it together, allow yourself the space to grieve. Sometimes, when we don’t want to immediately accept the loss, we may believe they will come back but that’s okay, it gives us time to take in as much as we are ready to, sometimes accepting the slightest bit of the reality is enough to move through an endlessly painful loss. As we move through it at our own pace, we will learn to withdraw our energy from the loss and begin to invest it in life. We put the loss in perspective, teaching us how to remember loved ones and hold close the losses we experienced.
Although this article focuses on the loss’s individuals experienced due to COVID-19, it’s important to highlight that no other loss is insignificant.
Your losses are your losses. We have a tendency to compare our losses – ‘Oh but this person had it much worse’, ‘At least, I got more time with my loved one’, ‘My loss was more bearable’. No loss can be compared, it is personal and unique. Every loss is personal. No one will know or understand the love you shared with the one you lost, they will never know of the memories you made and shared together, and they will never know the care you held for each other – it is personal to you, your loss is your loss, it’s not less significant, it matters as much as any other loss does. It’s incomparable and unique.
We can never know joy if we don’t know profound sadness. They can’t exist without each other. Let yourself grieve, forgive yourself.
NOTE FROM TEAM FEELJOY:
We, as a team at FeelJoy, want to send our condolences to the people who have lost their loved ones – we want you to know that each one of you has our support and understanding. Please reach out. You are not alone in your grief.
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