“Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret”- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
Anger is a universal emotion used to express our displeasure over something. According to psychologists, it is a kind of defence mechanism that help us to handle our grief and anxiety. But when this emotion starts to domineer over our other emotions and thoughts, then it affects our life adversely and becomes the reason of our ruination.
And we also advise like we should not talk when we are angry or we should try to cool down by suppressing our anger. The issue is not of expressing your emotions through communication, the issue is of not expressing your anger the right way. Anger is not a bad thing unless we make it so and therefore knowing how to control and express it in the right way is quite important.
What are Anger Issues? Why do we have anger issues?
First, we need to know the reason behind our anger, which is one of the most crucial aspects of anger management. Because there is always a reason or justification behind our outbursts. The major reasons behind anger are self- preservation, harm, improper treatment or for satisfying our means. Based on them there are many types of anger like passive anger, sudden anger, chronic anger, volatile anger, incidental anger and so on.
Often, we give in to the intense feeling of aggressiveness and express our anger negatively like by speaking in a loud voice, saying things we don’t mean or try to intentionally hurt someone.
Some people try to use threats, bullying, manipulation, dispassion, self-blame etc. as weapons to express their anger. This in turn proves to intensify the problems rather than coping up with them.
You can’t take back your words!
What is said and done cannot be taken back. The worse way you do it, the worse outcome you have. If you express your anger in aggressive manner, the is a very less chance your feelings would be understood instead you can receive equal or more intense aggressive outburst. In professional zone, your job could be endangered and in personal zone, your relationships could become severe.
How to deal with anger issues?
Anger does not help us because we let the emotion control us, but what should be done is us controlling the emotion. By that, I don’t mean that you should suppress your anger because that could turn it into passive anger which is another serious problem. What we should do is to express our anger in a smarter way.
1. Remember to be good: As I said earlier first know the exact reason behind your anger. Understand towards whom it is directed and why you think or feel that this particular thing is responsible. Always remember that every person is nice in general, there are just some of his or her habits that are annoying you.
And if you feel that someone purposefully is trying to provoke you then stay away as much as you can and try to be on the best behaviour with them. Remember how Mahatma Gandhi won over the great empire by his non-violent nature.
2. Write your thoughts: writing your thoughts in a diary helps to recollect your thoughts and also cooling down your anger. This is suggested in lots of anger management programmes since after writing your thoughts, when you read and assess them, you get a better point of view on the situation.
3. Turn to humour: What is the easiest way to resolve a tense situation? By adding humour. The same thing happens with your mind if it becomes too worked up, just light it up with laughter. Try to find humour in situation that makes you angry and if you cannot, turn to some laughable stuff to calm your mind. When you finally cool down, reflect your thoughts calmly.
How to communicate effectively when you are angry?
Other than the anger management techniques give above, the other ways by which you could communicate effectively during anger are:
1. Positive thoughts: rather than filling your mind with negative thoughts, or thoughts of harming the others or self, try to have positive thoughts over even annoying situations.
2. Apologize: if you think you have hurt the feelings or someone in rage then apologize immediately. Make sure he/she understands how much you regret hurting them. You cannot take back words but you need to express your care much more than you rage.
3. Be respectful: no matter how angry you might be, you should not lose respect for the other person, yourself and most importantly towards your relationship.
4. Never reply to anger by anger: If you are talking to someone who is already angry, try to control your temper so as to resolve the problem. Being calm at such situations makes you the bigger person and there is high chance by seeing your calm attitude he/she also cool down.
5. Listen: Just like you have a reason to be angry, other person also has a reason for his actions. Therefore, it is quite necessary to listen to the what he has to say. And you should listen carefully without interrupting in-between, letting him give full justification because half the times, even the other person means to help us.
Anger is a universal emotion that is meant to help us not to complicate things further, remember that.