They say, “You’re a little much for me You’re a liability, You’re a little much for me, So they pull back, make other plans I understand, I’m a liability.
This is a stanza from the song ‘Liability’ sung by world famous artist Lorde which talks about the feeling of being ‘a little too much for someone.’ This might be one sentiment that we all have felt and didn’t really want to come to terms with. Let’s face it, our generation is a bunch of millennials who talk about death but don’t want to die alone either. The question that comes up in our minds however is if being lonely is the only parameter one should evaluate before getting into a relationship? In this article we will try to answer this.
The only thing that can heal a broken heart is time and the only person who can fix you is you, YOURSELF. We spend so much of our time romanticizing almost everything that we see and read about only to give up in front of the cruelties of life. If only this time was utilized to work upon ourselves and to figure out who we are outside a relationship things would have been different and we surely would not have resonated with Lorde’s above-mentioned lyrics. Some people jump from one relationship to another like they change clothes, nothing wrong in that either but is this truly a life to aim for?
Sometimes the only toxic person in our life is ourselves. We start perceiving ourselves in a manner where we spite every physical and characteristic feature to a point that we confide in people to give us comfort and hope. We base our self worth on relationships that are as transient as ocean waves and think that other people can “save us.” This is exactly why one should not opt for a relationship when they are ‘alone.’
The sole reason one should ever chase after “The One” should be out of pure love and nothing else. Desperation has led people plunging into relationships to achieve a state of idealized happiness that can only be derived if they satiate their ego by completing themselves with a significant other. This leads to people settling for a non-optimal relationship that day-by-day leaves them drained of joy and emotions. This is exactly why the phrase, “I lost myself after he/she left me” can be heard so commonly now.
The whole idea of a “better half” is flawed. It propagates a sense of dependency that ultimately points to not being complete within. People are not halves seeking to become a whole, they’re individual whole(S) coming together to form a bigger union. If a relationship starts with one person “trying to figure out who they are” then it grants their partner the upper hand in the relationship which is disturbing for both the parties. It aggravates arguments and distrust throughout the course of the relationship which makes them come back to square one in the journey of self exploration.
To feel important in any sort of relationship a person has to be self-aware of their needs, communicative and most importantly should love themselves enough to not lose themself again.
Before getting into a commitment, it is better to ask yourself the following questions:
- Do I have a strong sense of identity without this person?
- Will I be able to grow in this environment and love myself even more?
- Do I know how to be emotionally sufficient and intelligent?
- If/when this relationship ends, will I be able to get back on my feet again?
- Do I know about my needs to not become a liability on this person?
- Will I still be as confident as I am right now if I face rejection?
- Does my self-worth depend on this person loving me back?
- Do I sabotage myself in relationships?
- Have my past relationships taught me some lessons that I need to practice this time?
- Will I ever put this person’s needs before my own?
Love is not rocket science, it’s harder than that. So, next time don’t fall in love just for the sake of it or because you simply feel lonely. Let it climb upon you and course through every vein of yours. Till then, take care of your soul and make your heart happy.
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